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 Librarians field strange questions every day. Sometimes funny ones. Often weird. Embarassing. Silly. Different. There's no telling... Having heard a number of them, we decided to compile a collection of the oddest of the odd, the funniest. And invited librarians to send any student's or patron's question that they thought entertaining. We have received lots, and they keep coming. If you have a curious question you'd like to share, click ptobey@salempress.com and send our Weirdness Archivist (Peter) your question.  We also offer a reward for submissions that find there way onto this page. If your entry tickles our Archivist's fancy (as you can see from the turban, he is easily amused) we'll send you this much-coveted "Reference is Very Cool" mug.For those of you who aren't aware of the "Reference is Cool" movement, Salem has devoted a significant portion of our website to this groundswell. You can request a button (and even win a mug) if you contribute there. Just go to Reference is Cool and you'll learn everything you need to know. OK. Here are the patron and student questions: Head-scratchers "I need some information about Pearl Harbor to write a report on her."
"How do you single space?"
"How do you make an orange mandarin?"
"Where can I buy a new mustache in Rhode Island?"
"I need a book that tells me how to make my own false teeth."
"Why is Cupid naked?"
"How long can human sperm live inside a turkey baster before it is no longer able to fertilize a female's egg?"
Several years ago I had a patron request a book. He could not remember the title of the book, the author, or any other information except for one item. He said he had seen it in a book store window while on vacation and the book was RED.
Weirdness Archivist: This sort of question shows up a lot among the submissions we are receiving. Sometimes the book in question is blue. Or purple. Another variation appears below. "Could you help me to find the book I started to read yesterday?"
"How would I know if my girlfriend used to be a man?" I am proud to say that the patron left satisfied with my suggestions.
One Sunday afternoon a man called the reference desk to ask for directions on making a death mask. He was arrested the next day, transporting the corpse of his wife across a state line.
"Do you have anything on post-mortem depression?"
"I need a photograph of Saint Patrick. No, that doesn't work it's a painting, don't you have a real picture of him?"
Weirdness Archivist: Similar submissions include request for photographs of Jesus, God, Cleopatra, the meteor hitting the earth and killing off the dinosaurs, George Washington, etc. "What is the difference between soup and stew? And what about chowder?"
Weirdness Archivist: Soup is a liquid with things cooked in it; Stew is meat or fish cooked in liquid; Chowder is a soup or stew made with clams or fish and sometimes onions and potatoes. Got that? As much as possible, we've tried to limit winners to their single best submission. But, for reasons that should be obvious, Teni's pair of questions must both be included: Question #1: "Is the wart on my pet tarantula infectious?" Question #2: "My friend bought me a toy last Christmas and my question is, if I open it and use it, does that make me a homosexual?"
"Can fraternal twins be sired by two different fathers?"
"How do you say 'whoopee cushion' in French?"
"How do you spell MRI?"
The most unusual question I've ever received came from a lady who asked: Could I please recommend a book that she could read to her dog?
"Do giraffes get hit by lightning a lot because they are so tall?"
"How high is the waterline on a supertanker when it's loaded?"
Here's another with many variations: "Who wrote the autobiography of Ullyses Grant?"
"What are the names of all the people who are buried in unmarked graves."
"How can I find this case I think there was about me, but I wasn't there because they said I was dead, but I'm not?"
After pointing to a new lip piercing, a patron asked, "Does this look infected to you?"
"In what year did the United States launch Sputnik?"
One of my favorite questions was for a debate topic - "I need things about child abuse: Pro and Con"
I was once asked "Where are the books on how to hide dead bodies?"
One young man stated that he needed statistics on how many people had died and gone to hell in the past year.
"If I leave my house at 10:30, how long will it take me to get to the library?"
"Where is the nearest nudist colony located?"
"Where are your books on flogging?"
"My brother is driving up here (North Idaho) from California and he just passed a sign saying welcome to Oregon. Is he on the right road?" He was.
"Which one happened first, World War I or World War II?"
"What is the disease you can get when you eat human brains?"
My favorite question was, "When Hannibal took the elephants over the mountains, were they Asian or African?"
Weirdness Archivist: Jaime also supplied the following info: Hannibal left with 37 elephants, of which 36 were Asian, one was African. The African Elephant, Surus, was the only elephant to survive the journey. Here's another that appears in many forms, the many slight variations never stealing the boggle from the question: Staring at a room full of bookcases, encyclopedias, tables, and computers and asking "Is this the library?" Or, "Do you have books?" Or, "Are you open?"
"How does barometric pressure and lunar phases effect children's moods and behaviors?"
"I once had a student ask me if I had any books on vomit."
"Can you find out which jail my boyfriend got sent to?"
"There are airplanes flying over my house! Where are they going?"
A patron wanted to know how to go about copyrighting his name
What is the best time of the year to conceive a child?
I was once asked to find statistics on the number of defendants in murder trials who were acquitted but who were really guilty.
Someone once asked me to find the book "How to Kill a Mockingbird."
"Do you have any CDs in your library that would teach my canary to sing?"
Young Folks "Did we have a copy of 'The Diary of Ann Margaret'?"
From a middle-school student: "Where are your books on the difference in the properties of M&Ms melted in a microwave compared to the properties of M&Ms melted in the sun?
A boy came into our high school library and said he needed a book on how to grow a dog. My co-worker told him, "You raise a dog, Kevin, not grow one." Undaunted, Kevin said, "Then I need a book on how to grow a puppy." Again, my co-worker kindly said, "You raise a puppy, Kevin, not grow one." Clearly, now frustrated, Kevin walked away and mumbled under his breath, "I'm going to grow a pig then."
My favorite question was asked by a first grader who came to the library and asked, "What's the bug called that lives in people's bellybuttons?"
My all-time favorite is "Do you have any books about sports on Mars?" from a 7th-grader.
"I am looking for books about my grandfather. Should I look under G for Grandfather or R for Relative?"
From a 6th grader: "Can you tell me what the Unknown element is?"
I once had a young library user ask, in all sincerity, for a tape (he meant audio recording) of dinosaur sounds.
Thanksgiving assignment from middle school teacher: "How many feathers are there on a turkey?"
Misunderstood I work at a university library that also serves a Catholic seminary. I once had a seminarian ask me for information on (what I thought he said) "eunuchs". I proceeded to look up information in our catalog and in databases. He was obviously very embarrassed but I persevered until he told me that he wanted information on the computer operating system, UNIX!
A girl, about 10 years old, came to the children's desk one day and asked me for books on sidekicks. I wasn't sure what she meant, so I tried to think of some examples of sidekicks, and said, "Like Batman has Robin and Gumby has Pokey?" (All the while I'm trying to think of a more modern example, but none is coming to me.) She gave me kind of an odd look and said, "No, I mean like my mom. I would do ANYTHING to be able to read her mind!" At that point it dawned on me that she wasn't trying to find information on sidekicks but psychics.
My oddest one was, "Who wrote 'A Boob in Autumn'?" The poem was "Abu ben Adhem" by James Leigh Hunt.
About a year ago, a woman came in looking for information about "Soovs." "Soovs?," I asked. "Yes, those big cars," she said. "Oh," I responded. "You mean S-U-Vs." "Don't be a smart ass. I know how to spell it. Just get me the dang information," she huffed.
"Do you have Shakespeare's 'Tammy and the Shrew'?"
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The Weirdness Archivist studied many aspects of the strange and unusual in universities around the globe. His wardrobe reflects his affinity for the exotic and is the result of many, many excursions into lands not quite like our own.
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